FACT: Lysol kills germs...and then some

Have you guys seen the new Lysol commercial?

(The following transcript is not accurate...but close enough. C'mon, I don't go around memorizing commercial lines! I have a life, excuse me. I have better things to do with my time, thank you very much. Like count my hair, and run around the dining room in my underwear screaming, "bacon! bacon!"--ok, forget I just said that.)

*boom*

FACT: Your cutting board has more bacteria than your toilet seat!

(assorted fruits on top of a toilet seat)

*boom*

FACT: Your baby's high-chair has more bacteria than your floor!

(a used vaccum bag --dirt, and all atop a baby's highchair-tray)

*roar*

Lysol kills 99.9% of bacteria!!!

woman sprays Lysol all over the baby's food tray...

baby eats food with a toothless smile (for full effect)

bottle of Lysol concentrate...

a pail of water, and a mophead...

woman (in heels) mops the floor

Ahhh...the power of advertising.

This is why OCD has been all the rage for the past five years.

Hypochondria is the new black.

Pharmaceuticals are getting richer...shrinks are getting richer...while the rest of us gets thousands and thousands poorer by the session. ;)

"majoring in psychology to help others", my ass...99.9% of these psych students know there's too many cuckkoooooos in this world to decrease the demand for shrinks for the next billion years. Yours truly, included. *wink wink*

So does this mean we should all buy Lysol forver, every 13 minutes? Does this mean my 9-bottle stock is not enough for just tomorrow?

Does this mean I should start having my edibles cut atop the toilet seat now, and eat them on the floor? This is serious! It'll be much more sanitary...Lysol said so!!!

Ok, that's just plain stupid. Of course I won't do that. I'll soak all my things in Lysol instead, and then use them. So just incase I don't get to update this blog tomorrow, it probably means I've already died from chronic intoxication due to Lysol overdose. Suddenly, ptomaine poisoning doesn't sound so bad now, does it?

And if ever that really does happen...sue Lysol's ass for a gagillion dollars, get me a pretty casket, and get Jessica Simpson, Paris Hilton, and Lindsay Lohan to serve cookies at the wake...and later on, let them entertain my guests by playing "Battle of the Brains". Be sure to tape it, and FedEx them to me in heaven...If you do that, I'll put in a good word for you with St. Peter. ;) We tight, man... ;)