Jessica Soho + Jackie Chan Java
I was just watching a local public affairs show earlier..."Kapuso Mo, Jessica Soho". Among all of those news reporters/broadcasters/TV journalists/whateveryoucall'ems, I really like her the best. I'm not going to say anything embellished like "she's a great journalist", or "she has depth and sincerity and dedication to her work"...she has a Peabody award (among other a gazillion journalism awards)...yeah yeah, sure sure...I'm not saying she doesn't have that. She does. Exclamation point.
But what I REALLY like the best about her is the fact that she is FAT --obese, even. (Hola sistah!)
And after all the exposure she's had through the years (apparently she's been on TV before I was even born)...and after all that money she's probably earned/earning (I don't know, she does have her own weekly show on a major network. Not to mention she's friggin' VP of the network's News and Public Affairs department *see? i know my research people!*...she must be worth at least something!), she never even considered liposuction. Especially considering that she is a major TV personality, and that her world, her line work is completely saturated with vanity, superficiality, shallowness...and hell, PRESENTATION!
But what I REALLY like the best about her is the fact that she is FAT --obese, even. (Hola sistah!)
And after all the exposure she's had through the years (apparently she's been on TV before I was even born)...and after all that money she's probably earned/earning (I don't know, she does have her own weekly show on a major network. Not to mention she's friggin' VP of the network's News and Public Affairs department *see? i know my research people!*...she must be worth at least something!), she never even considered liposuction. Especially considering that she is a major TV personality, and that her world, her line work is completely saturated with vanity, superficiality, shallowness...and hell, PRESENTATION!
My favorite quip of hers on being a "celebrity":
"Television is a peculiar medium. We’re supposed to be journalists, but we come out on the same screen as Sharon Cuneta and Ethel Booba. Whether we like it or not, we’ve evolved into celebrities."--Jessica Soho
She couldn't have said it any better...
Tonight, I raise my really badly-done cocktail to you Miss Jessica Soho! YOU ROCK!
(I can't believe I just said, "YOU ROCK"...which only goes to show how much I admire you. :-P)
Back to the show...
She had a brief interview with Jackie Chan at his press conference yesterday at the Mandarin Hotel (oooo...I'm shocked! Haha *bitch*) in Makati. Apparently, our little Kung-fu boy has yet again, delved into another line of business to add to his growing list of present businesses. Clothing line, shoes, wristwatches, green tea, water...he even has his own car. And I mean his own car. Like a "Jackie Chan Car" or something like that. I dunno...he said so! And now, he even has his own coffee franchise, named...what else? Jackie Chan Java (again, *shocked*)!
Ahhh...what doors showbusiness can open, huh? ;)
One can only imagine what he'd be selling next...maybe sea water? Jackie Chan SeaWater?
The Ad could look like a movieshoot with Jackie Chan Kung-fu-ing some bigass Eurotrash-of-a-martial-artist on a pristine white-sand beach in Bora Bora and then the director yells, "CUT!".
She had a brief interview with Jackie Chan at his press conference yesterday at the Mandarin Hotel (oooo...I'm shocked! Haha *bitch*) in Makati. Apparently, our little Kung-fu boy has yet again, delved into another line of business to add to his growing list of present businesses. Clothing line, shoes, wristwatches, green tea, water...he even has his own car. And I mean his own car. Like a "Jackie Chan Car" or something like that. I dunno...he said so! And now, he even has his own coffee franchise, named...what else? Jackie Chan Java (again, *shocked*)!
Ahhh...what doors showbusiness can open, huh? ;)
One can only imagine what he'd be selling next...maybe sea water? Jackie Chan SeaWater?
The Ad could look like a movieshoot with Jackie Chan Kung-fu-ing some bigass Eurotrash-of-a-martial-artist on a pristine white-sand beach in Bora Bora and then the director yells, "CUT!".
They're all thirsty.
The karate extras asks for a drink...
extras: "What? The trailer with all the food and water fell of the cliff and onto the ocean??!!"
The karate extras asks for a drink...
extras: "What? The trailer with all the food and water fell of the cliff and onto the ocean??!!"
*screams*
They all hear the sound of the waves...
They dive into the sea...and laps on the foamy waves to "quench" their karate-kicking bodies.
They all hear the sound of the waves...
They dive into the sea...and laps on the foamy waves to "quench" their karate-kicking bodies.
But NOooo...it can't be! --especially since they all know they secretly pooed and peed there the night before after getting all drunk...
A bright light appears on the horizon...
an extra screams: "It's Jackie!"
Jackie Chan (in all-white) is the bright light in the middle of the sea (like Jesus walking)...slowly floating towards them with his hands cupped (as if he's offering to the world) to a bottle of...
Jackie Chan Sea Water
"come taste the glorious salinity of the sea..."
*with just the right amount of saline to give you that extra kick!*
Everyone cheers!!!
*roar*
*Government Warning: We tolerate smoking, don't we? Why the hell not this?
End
I swear, Jackie Chan's slowly turning into "The Donald" Trump. Trump Ice Cream, Trump Tower, Trump Ice, Trump EVERYTHING! The two of them should just get together (alongside Oprah and Michael Jordan) and buy a mountain or something and carve out their faces side-by-side. Or they each buy their own mountain. Afterall, they probably can afford it. Well, maybe just Donald. :)
In the end, it all boils down to jealousy. I am jealous of them--all of them, because I can't afford shit. :) And I really do secretly (well, after this...not anymore) admire them for all their GREAT charity work.
Afterall, it's still THEM who's really making money out of all this...and I'm stuck here with nothing to do but blog about them and add even more publicity to their enterprise, like they really need any. The only thing that comforts me now is the fact that no matter how many things they put their names on...Rudy Giulliani is the only one who has his own "Giulliani Dildo". Haha. It's true...I saw it on TV. :-P
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